Sally's Choice

Sally, aged twenty-six, lived with Kevin and their son Stevie, aged seven.
I got a referral from Stevie's school, expressing concern about the child being exposed to frequent bouts of domestic violence between his parent.
From questioning Sally, it was clear she was a loving mother, who cared about her son. However, I became disturbed when she admitted that, even though she hated being hit by Kevin, it somehow made her think that he must really love her. Later, she told me she loved her father, but he used to hit her and her sister, whenever he got drunk.
Because the violence between Sally and Kevin had persisted for so long, Stevie's name had to be added to the Child Protection Register, under the category of Neglect. (Stevie was traumatised by the violence). The Child Protection Plan stipulated that, if Sally and Kevin got into any more violent altercations, Steve would have to be taken into care.
I quetioned Kevin on his own a few times and discovered that he too loved his son. As part of the Child Protection Plan, he agreed to have couple counselling at Relate. However, upon questioning him deeper, I discovered he'd had a fraught relationship with his mother. She was distant with him most of the time. He recalled being pushed away by her, whenever he needed comfort. However, she had a succession of boyfriends, whom she brought into Kevin's life.
Thus, I think Kevin was deeply insecure. As is the case with many insecure people, he had an overwhelming need to be in control. Most of the arguments between him and Sally were because he perceived she was looking at other men. A fact which Sally said wasn't true.
Because of Kevin's own deep trauma, I tried to get a clinical psychologist for him, but because of budget constraints, this never happened.
One morning, I received a phonecall from Stevie, telling me that his mum was being hit again and that there was blood all over the floor. I, and three policemen rushed round and discovered Sally so badly beaten, she had to be hospitalised. Kevin had vanished. Sally later told me Kevin hit her because a man had come to the door selling something, and Kevin thought she was making eyes at him.
Stevie had to go into temporary foster care. To get him back, Sally knew she had to agree to stop seeing Kevin. However, she made the choice to live with Kevin and let Stevie stay in care. "I just can't live without him, (Kevin)" were the last words she said to me.

This was the first case of mine which made me think about how people can act out trauma from their childhoods with another person. Kevin, acted out his anger about his mother with Sally, and Sally, embroiled in the role of being her father's victim, had a psyche skewed enough to believe that every time Kevin hit her, he was somehow validating how much she meant to him.

If anybody has anything to say about this case, I'd love to hear from them.